Life's Lessons with Jai

  I have the right to choose What you will not do is tell me what I cannot be. What you will not do is make me feel like without your love or admiration, I am nothing. What you will not do is gaslight me, placate me, or try to manipulate me. You will not play in my face! What you cannot ever do is prove to me I cannot stand on my own, walk through this journey flat-footed, navigate my own way, and keep pressing! I’ve worked too hard to have what I have. That which was designed for me was predestined. He knows the plans he has for me. I refuse to limit what God has for me simply because I am not attached to someone. The greatness he has placed in me is not contingent on someone being in my life. I will always bet on myself even when the odds are against me. There is NOTHING you can give to me more priceless than my peace. I am reassured that I alone am enough! I have learned to encourage myself. I am my own cheerleading team and squad. I do not need your permission to protect my pea...

Remember Your Strength: Generational Traumas I was asked to write about a moment of inner strength. For me, I cannot say that I can easily pinpoint just one moment. It seems I am always having moments of need to pull from my inner strength.  The daily fight of living with the generational traumas that have largely shaped the woman I am is not an easy task. It is a continuous press to challenge what these traumas have told me about who I am, what I could be and what I would never be. It is a daily press to be the woman I strive to be despite these traumas. It is a fight to be the healed version of me, the forgiving version of me, the authentic unapologetic version of me. A woman striving to break the chains of the bondage that these traumas have been for me in my journey.  There were chains that tried to stagnate my progress. The reminders of the trauma and the responsibility that comes with the charge of being a Super Woman in the face of it all can be a huge weight to bare. I...

If Only I Could   If I could allow myself to believe.   I would believe in a happy ending.  I would believe I could exist with someone in a space of peace.  That I would find someone who makes me feel seen, heard and protected.   I would believe things can be loving, drama free and flow naturally.    If I could believe.   If I had the experience of being in a space with someone who gives me room to be me. Who supports, encourages me and loves me without judgement.  Someone who would be mindful of my heart and loyal in their conduct.  Then maybe I could believe.    If only I could believe that there may be someone who frees me of my doubts and skepticism.  Who I can be at “rest” with.  Who makes me not want to run. Who is patient enough to work through the walls I have built. Who I can love without fear and reservation.  Who makes it easy to enjoy this journey.    If only I could.   If only. 

  I pray you never wonder what you need to fix.   The other day, I came across a post that said “ I pray my daughter never wonders what she has to fix for a man to love her”. It made me reflect on an encounter I had this summer with my Ex-Husband. If I had to describe what I felt most it would be acceptance and peace.   It was a similar scenario albeit a terrible situation for our daughter.   Seeing him in person for the first time since 2019, finally had no effect on me.   He was a person I shared children with. The life we shared together, now seemed to be irrelevant. The old longing for him to change has long since subsided. I saw through him.   I focused on maintaining my calm and on the matter that brought us together. Our child’s crisis. In this moment, nothing was more important than to show up for her. Be present and supportive and to remove myself from the situation.   This was no easy task with what seemed like a determination to trigger me, ...

  February 15, 2023   “Hey 50”!   Hey there 50! Something tells me you didn’t come to play. This recent shift in the next phase of my journey has been eye opening. 50 is coming in differently.  50 has some things to say.   Happy Birthday! I had a day of reflection. I am extremely thankful for where the journey finds me standing on this Born Day. I acknowledge some of the things that were missing in me while along this journey would be gained along the journey. These things however would need to come with some maturity and wisdom. I have survived many things I, and some others thought would take me out.     Hey Journey! Now, I am walking in the strength of experience and growth. I trust the Creator and know my steps are ordered. I know God is intentional with me and will equip me with whatever I need along this journey.  Time to buckle up for the shift.   Hello Love! I am thankful for genuine people in my life. Blessed for the ones who encoura...

  This Is What Happens When You Have Love So often in the past, I would find myself sad around my birthday. Having a birthday the day after Valentine’s day and finding myself missing companionship has put a cloud over my birthday for years.   Each year, my friends have made that cloud go away. My friends reminded me that love has many avenues in which to reach you. It may not be in the companionship you seek, but you can be blessed with a circle of friends who remind you that someone out there is thinking of you, loves you and wants you to be happy. Someone wants you to know that you matter to them and that you deserve to have people you can lean on.   You will have people who  support you and people who believe in you. You will need people who pray for you and people who want Gods best for you.   I was talking to my Big Sister Rev. Nat about some things and she said “This is what happens when you have love”. I have been blessed with people in my life who I can ...

  One Year Ago   It’s been one year since my Book Launch for “Life Lessons: Journey to My Dopeness”.  I have had the opportunity to have some speaking opportunities and was a participant in a Book Tour for my organization. I have had wonderful opportunities to discuss my journey and encourage other women to walk their paths and embrace what knowledge we gain along the journey.   One of the key thoughts I have is the importance of embracing the journey, learning from the journey and growing through the journey. I have grown in a year. The launch was a rebirth for me, it was 6 months to the day past my birthday on February 15 th .  In this past year, I have had some ups and some downs, but I have been steadfast on my journey to protecting my peace and enjoying life as it is.   I find myself more comfortable in who I am. No matter what space I am in I continue to embrace the value of self-love. I find solace in being happy with who I am. As my jour...

 Choose Better Over Bitter   A bitter woman says “all men are the same” A wise woman decides to stop choosing the same kind of men”.   I understand the “bitter” woman mentality. I have given chances, acquiesced, compromised and overlooked. I have been patient and tried not to trip. I have stifled my feelings and suppressed my voice because I didn’t want to be a “bitter” woman. But it gets hard. Hard to overlook your nonchalant attitude, your I should be thankful you gave me time mentality. I have simply had enough. And before I become that bitter woman you have already tried to frame me as, I will protect my own value and walk away, wish you well and know that even being alone is better than being treated like I have no value. I won’t allow you to treat me like my willingness to meet you where you are made me compromise and you see it as a weakness you could abuse. I am not your pick me up toy. I am a prize! Sadly, one you will never appreciate the value of, becau...

Work to be Done   “I’m no longer accepting the things I cannot change…I’m changing the things I cannot accept”  -Angela Davis   If I have learned one thing during this shut down, it is that I appreciate the moments of clarity God gives me. I am in tune with what is required for me to maintain my peace and be able to get things accomplished. This journey we are on has a time frame. It is not my desire to share my energy surrounded by unnecessary distractions. Some things will have to be different.   In order for me to thrive, I need people in my circle who wish well and not harm. A nurturing environment is what we all need to be able to maintain our sanity with all that is going on. It is not difficult to simply be kind or to be considerate. Some things need to be put to the side so that we stay focused on what we are to do.  There is too much work to be done. At times, it can be hard to stay encouraged while effectively working to change your surroundings for th...

Let Your Hair Down Cutting my sisterlocks that I had close to eight years was not something I would have conceived of doing even a few months ago. With all the changes occurring in the world and people taking precautions with safety and reevaluating family and life, trying to identify a new Loctician after mine decided to retire and homeschool her children was a mission I did not want to entertain. My sisterlock journey started a few weeks after my divorce papers came in the mail in 2012. In eight years my Loctician became a close confidant.  In eight years I experienced growth, patience waiting for them to look a certain way, damage from unadvised color and transformation. My hair journey was one that I look back, smile and appreciate. In the past I would often cut my hair short when I grew tired and had not had shoulder length hair that I grew on my own in ages. My sisterlocks were a symbol of who I was and represented the change in my life post divorce. Th...

“Forever doesn’t last these days”. It’s Friday night and I am relaxing listening to Jazmine Sullivan. As time draws closer to days that at one time had a significance to me; I allow the words of the songs to resonate. With all the talk about the true difficulties that come with making a relationship work, I acknowledge that love does not come easy! Relationships take work! Marriages, Family, True Friendships, they all take work! There will not always be a continuous cycle of good times! It is how you choose to bounce back from whatever is coming at you that matters! When you have given that everything your everything to your depletion, it is time to make different choices. Matters of the heart are tricky! Being mindful of where you are emotionally in that moment is key. Pray through it, sit on it, pray again and then when the time is right move on it. Keep Pressing! While things must change, you still have to keep pressing. The choice is yours. #LifeLessons 

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served”. -Nina Simone  My Table As we are surrounded by the current chaos of racial injustice, protests, and a pandemic, I found myself not only looking at what is currently happening around me, I am also taking the time to examine what is going on inside me. Where I am emotionally. Am I emotionally whole enough to handle the things going on around me?   What needs to happen to help me to push the needle forward and keep pushing through? I caught up with a good friend today who I have always had this no judgement, Girl can you believe this mess out here types of talks.  I always love good talks with my Sista Friends.  Catching her up on my life since I made the decision to leave Pittsburgh and return to Philly, what finally prompted my leaving, and the bumps in the road in this dating life, I realized how much I have grown.   Sometimes we need to look back and see how f...

What tried to break you, Will make you stronger. “Never Return Back To What Broke You”  Quoted from the Netflix movie “Self Made” Feeling like my Father didn’t love me. Broke me. Watching my Father be verbally and physically abusive to my Mother, Broke me. Experiencing my own abuse, Broke me. Having a troubled marriage, Broke me. Being cheated on, Broke me. Being betrayed, Broke me. So many things tried to Break me. My Father is no longer living, my abusers have moved on with their lives and I have had to make amends within myself. My Ex-Husband and I have moved to a place where we have accepted our responsibility in what went wrong in our marriage. I cannot undo those past pains, but I do accept what those pains caused me to feel. It taught me the good and bad about life, love and relationships. It has taught me about the strongholds that I allowed to be connected to my journey. Those pains made me untrusting and caused me to hurt others. Those thing...

Part of the Process   I had to come to terms with being single. I had to accept this was a space I needed to occupy for a while. It’s not that I didn’t feel ready for a relationship, I have a lot of love to offer someone. I believe whoever is meant for me is out there working out their stuff, the last thing I need at this point in my life is another person with more issues than a therapist has an available couch for.   I have met some men who have seemingly had it all together, but red flags appear a lot quicker than they used to, I guess you can chalk it up to my lack of tolerance for BS. Maybe it’s growth and wisdom. Whatever it is, I no longer have the desire to entertain something I know is a trek in the wrong direction just because it may be packaged well. I also learned to do what is best for me. Trust my own gut instincts and be okay with spending more time in my self- discovery as a single person. I questioned if I was becoming jaded. I still ha...