Life's Lessons with Jai

Work to be Done   “I’m no longer accepting the things I cannot change…I’m changing the things I cannot accept”  -Angela Davis   If I have learned one thing during this shut down, it is that I appreciate the moments of clarity God gives me. I am in tune with what is required for me to maintain my peace and be able to get things accomplished. This journey we are on has a time frame. It is not my desire to share my energy surrounded by unnecessary distractions. Some things will have to be different.   In order for me to thrive, I need people in my circle who wish well and not harm. A nurturing environment is what we all need to be able to maintain our sanity with all that is going on. It is not difficult to simply be kind or to be considerate. Some things need to be put to the side so that we stay focused on what we are to do.  There is too much work to be done. At times, it can be hard to stay encouraged while effectively working to change your surroundings for th...

Let Your Hair Down Cutting my sisterlocks that I had close to eight years was not something I would have conceived of doing even a few months ago. With all the changes occurring in the world and people taking precautions with safety and reevaluating family and life, trying to identify a new Loctician after mine decided to retire and homeschool her children was a mission I did not want to entertain. My sisterlock journey started a few weeks after my divorce papers came in the mail in 2012. In eight years my Loctician became a close confidant.  In eight years I experienced growth, patience waiting for them to look a certain way, damage from unadvised color and transformation. My hair journey was one that I look back, smile and appreciate. In the past I would often cut my hair short when I grew tired and had not had shoulder length hair that I grew on my own in ages. My sisterlocks were a symbol of who I was and represented the change in my life post divorce. Th...

“Forever doesn’t last these days”. It’s Friday night and I am relaxing listening to Jazmine Sullivan. As time draws closer to days that at one time had a significance to me; I allow the words of the songs to resonate. With all the talk about the true difficulties that come with making a relationship work, I acknowledge that love does not come easy! Relationships take work! Marriages, Family, True Friendships, they all take work! There will not always be a continuous cycle of good times! It is how you choose to bounce back from whatever is coming at you that matters! When you have given that everything your everything to your depletion, it is time to make different choices. Matters of the heart are tricky! Being mindful of where you are emotionally in that moment is key. Pray through it, sit on it, pray again and then when the time is right move on it. Keep Pressing! While things must change, you still have to keep pressing. The choice is yours. #LifeLessons 

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served”. -Nina Simone  My Table As we are surrounded by the current chaos of racial injustice, protests, and a pandemic, I found myself not only looking at what is currently happening around me, I am also taking the time to examine what is going on inside me. Where I am emotionally. Am I emotionally whole enough to handle the things going on around me?   What needs to happen to help me to push the needle forward and keep pushing through? I caught up with a good friend today who I have always had this no judgement, Girl can you believe this mess out here types of talks.  I always love good talks with my Sista Friends.  Catching her up on my life since I made the decision to leave Pittsburgh and return to Philly, what finally prompted my leaving, and the bumps in the road in this dating life, I realized how much I have grown.   Sometimes we need to look back and see how f...

What tried to break you, Will make you stronger. “Never Return Back To What Broke You”  Quoted from the Netflix movie “Self Made” Feeling like my Father didn’t love me. Broke me. Watching my Father be verbally and physically abusive to my Mother, Broke me. Experiencing my own abuse, Broke me. Having a troubled marriage, Broke me. Being cheated on, Broke me. Being betrayed, Broke me. So many things tried to Break me. My Father is no longer living, my abusers have moved on with their lives and I have had to make amends within myself. My Ex-Husband and I have moved to a place where we have accepted our responsibility in what went wrong in our marriage. I cannot undo those past pains, but I do accept what those pains caused me to feel. It taught me the good and bad about life, love and relationships. It has taught me about the strongholds that I allowed to be connected to my journey. Those pains made me untrusting and caused me to hurt others. Those thing...

Part of the Process   I had to come to terms with being single. I had to accept this was a space I needed to occupy for a while. It’s not that I didn’t feel ready for a relationship, I have a lot of love to offer someone. I believe whoever is meant for me is out there working out their stuff, the last thing I need at this point in my life is another person with more issues than a therapist has an available couch for.   I have met some men who have seemingly had it all together, but red flags appear a lot quicker than they used to, I guess you can chalk it up to my lack of tolerance for BS. Maybe it’s growth and wisdom. Whatever it is, I no longer have the desire to entertain something I know is a trek in the wrong direction just because it may be packaged well. I also learned to do what is best for me. Trust my own gut instincts and be okay with spending more time in my self- discovery as a single person. I questioned if I was becoming jaded. I still ha...

Same Dress. Different Me.  Ten years ago I wore this fancy red dress only I did not feel so fancy. I walked into an event and I began to receive compliments but I did not feel worthy of being complimented.  I was wearing my public mask trying not to let the unhappiness that resided in me show. I was broken on the inside. The world I existed in was filled with heartache, betrayal and uncertainty in who I was. I felt like I had no value.  I was carrying a load of pain that on the inside was destroying my essence. I was ashamed of what my reality was. I was a woman dealing with the ultimate betrayal. It was not a secret that could be hidden. It was alive and residing in the reality of my life.  The effects kept me on edge and made me untrusting. It made me angry and bordering on bitterness. My smile had no luster. My hope was in question. I was a shattered mess in a fancy dress.  I recently wore my fancy red dress. When I slipped it on this time the co...