YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE


YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE

In my pursuit to date I notice that there is often a double standard when a woman wants to explore her options. Men can tell you upfront they are not looking for a relationship. They can have a fear of commitment and as women we are supposed to accept it. Because they’ve expressed some interest in you, they perceive we will take a number and get in line with the other women who are vying for their attention.  We as women are supposed to be okay with him choosing to engage us when it fits for him, getting ghosted with no explanation and expected to be okay with sharing them with other women.

Courting is damn near obsolete and we are expected to think Netflix and Chill is an appropriate date. After all, at least he’s giving you some time.  We are supposed to be okay with texts not returned for days even though its been on read since shortly after being sent.  We are supposed to be okay with “I just don’t like to text” Or I’m too busy to respond to you but not too busy to be on social media posting all day. After all, he has the right to want to engage when and who he wants to and does not want to.  He has the right to be free to date other women because he’s never promised you anything, and you knew what it was from the beginning. And guess what he’s right!

Just like I have the right to place myself in the same leveling position. I have the right to want to be pursued and not acquiesce anyone who appears to have their short attention span signaled on me. Your wanting me doesn’t mean I have to want you even if no one else is checking for me. As a matter of fact, I enjoy my own company. If nothing being single has taught me is to love on me even if there is no Mr. Right to do it for me.  I can still want what I want. I have the right to hold out for chivalry if it’s what I believe in. Somewhere it still exists.  Just like you believe there is an imbalanced ratio between women and men so I should be grateful anyone is looking, I believe there is still someone out there who knows how to treat a woman and wants a monogamous grounded, and fulfilling relationship. Even if for now it means ME treating ME the way I want until then.

I have the right to ignore a bull shit message that’s probably been practiced on several women and your crap shooting hoping today is the day you’ll catch me slipping. Yes, we all know about the generic GM Queen message you send out every morning to your text log. Hell, some of us have our own “Hey King” text logs. Sistas are supporting each other and encouraging each other to keep believing and if nothing else, love ourselves.  We are used to putting BS on ignore. We are finding our strength and beauty and not hoping the streamline of affirmation has to come from men. We are more than just cuffing season hopefuls.

We are not cold hearted for setting standards and holding you to them.  We are not just “having our cake and eating it too” because we choose to date and not settle.  We can be upfront about our needs even if its just getting an itch scratched. We are not ashamed to say that size does matter.   Not every time we get a good piece do we think its attached to commitment. At times it just is what it is, a good piece to help us over the hump.  Just because you are offering a good piece doesn’t make you a good mate. Don’t be upset when we recognize that’s your greatest asset and take it for what it’s worth.  I have the right to explore what is going to bring me peace or just be a piece.

Pardon me for thinking what I did with my life was actually my choice. Excuse me for putting myself and my happiness above what you think I should want and how I am supposed to be while I wait for the right man to come.  Didn’t know I had to settle on you just because you were nice and put in some “time”.  Didn’t know my confidence in my sexuality needed to be stifled because it makes you uncomfortable. Not every woman who is confident in what she brings behind closed doors is loose. We are simply aware of what we want even when it comes to that. No I don’t have to settle for your mediocre bedroom skills. My expression of how whack you are doesn’t make me abrasive it makes me honest.

I am happy about making my needs a priority. I don’t feel bad about cutting off ties with things or people that stress me.  I am okay with some alone time if it means not compromising what I need. I am not apologizing for getting what I need when I need it.  So if you see your text on read and I haven’t responded, know I am busy making sure my needs are met and that I am doing what I need to do for me to be happy.  You have the right to want what you want and so do I!


Comments

  1. Love it! Thanks we do have a right to choose and we don't have to apologize for exercising it✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽

    ReplyDelete
  2. Perfectly written! And you're right. We do not need to settle. Absolutely not.

    ReplyDelete

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