“It may be time to pause”
Have you ever felt like you’ve officially reached the point where you feel a relationship may not be for you? When you are past the point where just being in “situationships” or “Friends with Benefits” is enough? If you can be honest with yourself, it was never something you were cut out to be able to flow in. You are a relationship person who wants something meaningful and the compromise that it keeps taking to adapt to a box you don’t fit it continues to be an issue for you. Yet, the fear that this “opportunity” may be the only option you might ever have again causes you to linger?
If truth be told, it was never that easy for you to be in that type of “undefined” relationship. And while you have tricked yourself into thinking you could handle it just to feel less of the weight of being single. You find yourself battling your emotions your wants, needs and your standards. People who are natural communicators will eventually want to discuss feelings. This type of relationship does not give leeway for that.
In this place, your emotions have to be contained. Intimacy and the exchange of your sexual being will cause some people to have emotional attachments. No matter how much we want to deny it at some point, feelings do get in the way. Those feelings could be anger, jealousy, resentment, loneliness or disappointment; sometimes we may even believe we feel love.
Whatever the emotion; eventually you have to decide if this is a space you can keep dwelling in or if it is causing too much unhappiness. Is it really providing you what you need? After the sheets are dry, how do you feel about yourself? If you can honestly say the pros outweigh the cons then maybe you can hang in a little longer. If not, it’s time to accept that you are either not cut out for it or have reached the point where it is no longer fulfilling for you and while you secretly hoped this “situationship” would turn into something more fulfilling, it may not happen.
Most times one of the parties in this scenario is good with how things are and cannot understand why the other party is feeling conflicted. Some people are non-committal and content with living that way. Some people are relationship longing people. This will eventually get old. If you were actually friends in the beginning a choice needs to be made. Walk away and hope that your friendship can be sustained. Can you deal with the heartbreak you are experiencing that you don’t want to address? Can you admit to yourself that you walked into something you weren’t equipped to handle emotionally? Can you be honest that this is causing a disruption in the peace flow your life needs?
You will eventually find yourself at a crossroad. Things you used to be able to accept, you won’t find so easy to do anymore. Compromises you were willing to make to be with someone are more of a challenge. And while you may not be in a rush to call someone “BAE” You also desire something more consistent that has some definition. You find that you have grown tired of those thinking that their honesty to not want a relationship or have some other “situationship” and still occupy your time is something you want to fall in line with. It no longer appeals to your compromise.
You begin to think that being alone and happy is better than the options that you are being presented with. When you are tired of the emotional drain, or dealing with the analytical stress on your brain with trying to see if this new situation is even worth entertaining. You question is this really worth letting your guard down for? Is it worth your peace? Is it worth your value?
Beyond the excitement of those first few exchanges and getting to know one another, is this what you want? Is this another compromising situation on the rise? How many times as women do we hear, “He’s out there, he will find you”? Maybe it’s time for you to take heed. Maybe it is not just a cliché’. Maybe you still have work to do on yourself. Maybe you live in fear of trying and since heart ache and disappointment is all you know, you think this is normal and you keep walking into situations that lead to nothingness.
This does not mean give up. However, you may need to pause. Do the introspection that you need. Realize how devastating the loss of that relationship you thought was forever really was to you. Deal with the grief that comes with the divorce, or the engagement that ended or the relationship you gave years of your life to. Stop worrying about the pain they caused you and how they appear to have happily moved on. Things are not always as they seem. Focus on you. Address the things that are keeping you from what is purposed for you.
There is a reason why that relationship has not found you yet. There is a reason why you aren’t happy with just compromising just to have “situations” anymore; take time out to explore that. Be open to the truths you may be running from. Discovery is a blessing if you embrace it. Love where you are in life. Make positive strides to heal. Bandages are only made for coverage; the scar underneath will still need to heal. Stop using situations in your life as a bandage.
In time, it will all work out. Right now, focus on learning why you’re becoming uncomfortable with what used to be comforting for you but no longer makes you content.
Find out who you are in this moment. Your desires are not futile. But you may need to pause , breathe, and sit in this uncomfortable shift. If nothing else you will gain more insight to who you are.
Today, I accept that with every shift in this journey there is a lesson and new level of growth. Make me uncomfortable with things that are designed to keep me from truly living my best peace filled life. This is temporary and I will make it through! Right now I will live in the moments where I need to pause and let life lesson’s teach me.
Have you ever felt like you’ve officially reached the point where you feel a relationship may not be for you? When you are past the point where just being in “situationships” or “Friends with Benefits” is enough? If you can be honest with yourself, it was never something you were cut out to be able to flow in. You are a relationship person who wants something meaningful and the compromise that it keeps taking to adapt to a box you don’t fit it continues to be an issue for you. Yet, the fear that this “opportunity” may be the only option you might ever have again causes you to linger?
If truth be told, it was never that easy for you to be in that type of “undefined” relationship. And while you have tricked yourself into thinking you could handle it just to feel less of the weight of being single. You find yourself battling your emotions your wants, needs and your standards. People who are natural communicators will eventually want to discuss feelings. This type of relationship does not give leeway for that.
In this place, your emotions have to be contained. Intimacy and the exchange of your sexual being will cause some people to have emotional attachments. No matter how much we want to deny it at some point, feelings do get in the way. Those feelings could be anger, jealousy, resentment, loneliness or disappointment; sometimes we may even believe we feel love.
Whatever the emotion; eventually you have to decide if this is a space you can keep dwelling in or if it is causing too much unhappiness. Is it really providing you what you need? After the sheets are dry, how do you feel about yourself? If you can honestly say the pros outweigh the cons then maybe you can hang in a little longer. If not, it’s time to accept that you are either not cut out for it or have reached the point where it is no longer fulfilling for you and while you secretly hoped this “situationship” would turn into something more fulfilling, it may not happen.
Most times one of the parties in this scenario is good with how things are and cannot understand why the other party is feeling conflicted. Some people are non-committal and content with living that way. Some people are relationship longing people. This will eventually get old. If you were actually friends in the beginning a choice needs to be made. Walk away and hope that your friendship can be sustained. Can you deal with the heartbreak you are experiencing that you don’t want to address? Can you admit to yourself that you walked into something you weren’t equipped to handle emotionally? Can you be honest that this is causing a disruption in the peace flow your life needs?
You will eventually find yourself at a crossroad. Things you used to be able to accept, you won’t find so easy to do anymore. Compromises you were willing to make to be with someone are more of a challenge. And while you may not be in a rush to call someone “BAE” You also desire something more consistent that has some definition. You find that you have grown tired of those thinking that their honesty to not want a relationship or have some other “situationship” and still occupy your time is something you want to fall in line with. It no longer appeals to your compromise.
You begin to think that being alone and happy is better than the options that you are being presented with. When you are tired of the emotional drain, or dealing with the analytical stress on your brain with trying to see if this new situation is even worth entertaining. You question is this really worth letting your guard down for? Is it worth your peace? Is it worth your value?
Beyond the excitement of those first few exchanges and getting to know one another, is this what you want? Is this another compromising situation on the rise? How many times as women do we hear, “He’s out there, he will find you”? Maybe it’s time for you to take heed. Maybe it is not just a cliché’. Maybe you still have work to do on yourself. Maybe you live in fear of trying and since heart ache and disappointment is all you know, you think this is normal and you keep walking into situations that lead to nothingness.
This does not mean give up. However, you may need to pause. Do the introspection that you need. Realize how devastating the loss of that relationship you thought was forever really was to you. Deal with the grief that comes with the divorce, or the engagement that ended or the relationship you gave years of your life to. Stop worrying about the pain they caused you and how they appear to have happily moved on. Things are not always as they seem. Focus on you. Address the things that are keeping you from what is purposed for you.
There is a reason why that relationship has not found you yet. There is a reason why you aren’t happy with just compromising just to have “situations” anymore; take time out to explore that. Be open to the truths you may be running from. Discovery is a blessing if you embrace it. Love where you are in life. Make positive strides to heal. Bandages are only made for coverage; the scar underneath will still need to heal. Stop using situations in your life as a bandage.
In time, it will all work out. Right now, focus on learning why you’re becoming uncomfortable with what used to be comforting for you but no longer makes you content.
Find out who you are in this moment. Your desires are not futile. But you may need to pause , breathe, and sit in this uncomfortable shift. If nothing else you will gain more insight to who you are.
Today, I accept that with every shift in this journey there is a lesson and new level of growth. Make me uncomfortable with things that are designed to keep me from truly living my best peace filled life. This is temporary and I will make it through! Right now I will live in the moments where I need to pause and let life lesson’s teach me.
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