Growing up the youngest of 8 children, I became my families source of entertainment . The one they pull out at family gatherings to show the latest dance moves.  I am the one that would be on American Idol after Simon told me how horrible my singing was crying “ but my family said I was a great singer”.  Making them feel proud of whatever talent they thought I had made me feel good. When I pledged my Sorority, my line name became “The Joker” somehow my musings made things lighter in our journey and once again my talent to entertain came in handy. My Wusband (Ex-Husband) used to call me “Lil Magic” (from the In Living Color character) based on how much I enjoyed making people laugh and entertaining people; especially my family. I like when other people are happy or when I feel like I’m giving others something to smile about. Being able to make people laugh or feel good about things has always been what I would try to do.  As much as it’s a part of who I am it’s also who I often don’t want to be. Sometimes I don’t want to be the life of the party. Sometimes I wonder if people can really see who I am. Sometimes I feel like the Smokey Robinson song “Tracks of my Tears”. 

With everything going on in my life I am finding how much I enjoy my time alone. Not time entertaining people or smiling when I’m so tired I wanna crawl in a ball and cry. With so much going on, it becomes more apparent that in regards to relationships, my tolerance for things that will even waste the time I enjoy alone isn’t worth it. I’m a proud introverted extrovert. My time is important and who I choose to entertain can’t be wasted. The good thing out of all that’s happening around me is that I’m learning to enjoy the quiet moments of life. Every day my life is spinning and I’m fighting to keep up. Growing into this comfortable introverted extrovert has been an eye awakening experience. Being ok with me. Gaining my peace. Curled up in my bed with my Yorkie Coco and content. Tomorrow is another day. 

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