I pray you never wonder what you need to fix.

What tried to break you, Will make you stronger.

“Never Return Back To What Broke You”  Quoted from the Netflix movie “Self Made”

Feeling like my Father didn’t love me. Broke me.

Watching my Father be verbally and physically abusive to my Mother, Broke me.

Experiencing my own abuse, Broke me.

Having a troubled marriage, Broke me.

Being cheated on, Broke me.

Being betrayed, Broke me.

So many things tried to Break me.

My Father is no longer living, my abusers have moved on with their lives and I have had to make amends within myself. My Ex-Husband and I have moved to a place where we have accepted our responsibility in what went wrong in our marriage.

I cannot undo those past pains, but I do accept what those pains caused me to feel. It taught me the good and bad about life, love and relationships. It has taught me about the strongholds that I allowed to be connected to my journey. Those pains made me untrusting and caused me to hurt others. Those things held me back from living and caused me to question if I was only put on this earth to know grief.

I acknowledge that my brokenness created an ugliness in me. I was indifferent and unfeeling about what my actions may cause. As the saying goes, “hurt people, hurt people.” I cannot undo the process of my growth and healing. I do however, accept it as my truth. I will not beat myself up about the things I did. I accept them as part of my journey. 

My friend charged me when she wrote:

“#WritewithMe, I realize that no one owes me anything. If I broke them intentionally or unintentionally they have a right to never be in my presence again” PL James

In my journey of healing there are some very ugly parts along the path. There were some selfish choices and things that caused hurt to others. I cannot undo them. I can and have forgiven myself. In cases where I could, I tried to make amends. I have to accept that people are on different parts in their journey. Part of it may be not returning to something that broke them. If I played a part in it, the best thing I can do is accept the part I played and strive to be better.

The things and people that broke me did not always offer an apology or try to make amends. Yet they did not stop the growth I was supposed to have. Ultimately, I accept some things needed to happen to propel me into change. I pray for healing for myself and for anyone I have hurt. I pray for all who have been broken. Putting the pieces back together is not always a pretty process. However, it is a process worth walking through.  I realize that in some ugly times, beauty can spring forth, I also know that some ugly is just what it is and can’t be made to be anything else.  Grow from your brokenness, learn from what brokenness took you to. Be intentional about being better, want and require better. Walk in your journey. Love who you are even some of the ugly part of your journey. Never let what tried to break you succeed. Keep pushing, keep living and learning. Be well!