I pray you never wonder what you need to fix.

“You’ve got to learn to leave the table when love’s no longer being served”. -Nina Simone

 My Table

As we are surrounded by the current chaos of racial injustice, protests, and a pandemic, I found myself not only looking at what is currently happening around me, I am also taking the time to examine what is going on inside me. Where I am emotionally. Am I emotionally whole enough to handle the things going on around me?  What needs to happen to help me to push the needle forward and keep pushing through?

I caught up with a good friend today who I have always had this no judgement, Girl can you believe this mess out here types of talks. 

I always love good talks with my Sista Friends.  Catching her up on my life since I made the decision to leave Pittsburgh and return to Philly, what finally prompted my leaving, and the bumps in the road in this dating life, I realized how much I have grown.  

Sometimes we need to look back and see how far we’ve come to encourage ourselves to know we are moving along well and that no matter how bleak things look, to keep pushing. No one can walk the path that was set for you but you. Deciding how you will do that and what you will allow to enter your space of peace along the way becomes an important part of the journey. 

I cannot see myself living contrary to who I am now, in particular when it’s for the purpose of putting someone else’s comfort over mine and compromise my peace. Being true with what I need to be whole has to be a conversation I can have with the people I allow in my space. If that safe space is compromised as a result of my fear to not feel safe to be my honest self, the value it has in my life is called into question. 

I like the peace I have now. I allow myself to feel the emotions I am feeling and give myself the opportunity to examine them. What is causing this? What do I need to do if this causes a shift in my peace? 

Being silent about my passions, fears, emotions is not a safe space. I am at a place where I need a shift and change to keep moving. It is a must that I require more from what I allow to occupy space in my life. 

Whether it’s work, relationships or life in general, I have to continue to require more. I have simply grown tired of allowing chaos to come into my life and try to disrupt the path I am on without challenging it. 

I cannot be stagnant. I am not content being on a continual spin not progressing or making moves to learn and grow. If it is not adding value to my life, and making my existence at minimal peaceful, it has to have a different place in my life. 

What I allow to have access to me will not rob me of my joy or voice. If it feels far from what life and love is supposed to be about for me then it is time to reset or walk away from the table.